The teacher is at the door greeting the children and one of the older boys walks in, shaking hands firmly with her, and says “I couldn’t come to school today on my scooter and wear my helmet because it would mess up my hair”.

Child1 (to Miss Nan): “Can you tell the other teachers that we have disappeared and you don’t know where we are? Say we went on holiday but you don’t know which country…” Child2: “We could go to Austria with the baby?” Child1: “No, it’s better if Miss Nan doesn’t know where we go and we will hide, okay?” Child2: “Yes! Let’s go nowhere!”

Girl on her first day at school, having been helped by a teacher to cut an apple for snack: “Oooo. My apple has turned into a flower.” She told another teacher “We pushed and pushed on the apple until it became a flower.”

“I can feel a sneeze on the inside but not on the outside”

An ex-pupil talking to her mother: “Is Miss Felicity still the headmystery?”

Teacher describing the period before the Big Bang:
“There were no planets, no people, no animals…”
Little boy: “There were no play dates!”